More on beginnings

          We can't know what drove us to decisions without knowing the past. My decision to end dieting came after I read a book called "When Food is Love" by Geneen Roth. What an mind opening book that was. (By the way, I am a self help book junkie) This book caused me to look deep inside and ask myself why I would binge eat. Why food was so important to me.  Why I thought food was my friend?  Folks, I had some eye opening deep realizations about my childhood and thought processes that were developed as a result of it. This book started my peacemaking within myself and things that had happened to me as a child.  As a child we don't have much control over what happens to us.  As adults we have all the control as to what happens to us. We also have the intelligence to decide to either face the trauma's of our childhood, accept it is what it is, realize we can't change it, or to continue to let it define our future.  This choice is yours alone. I chose to face it and accept it what it is, and it will not define who I am today. I am no victim and I will not live my life being the victim. I make my own choices in the path I follow. (I will not go into this. It is deeply personal and we all have our burdens to bear.) Thanks to this book I realized that I was using food as an excuse to "numb" myself from those traumas.

             Food can be used as a drug. I used it for years, and sometimes I still succumb to it Old habits are hard to bread sometimes.  Food is a legal drug. When you are standing in front of that cheese cake, or cookies, or whatever comfort food you go after, stuffing your face as fast as you can, you are in a different place. Your whole world is right there. There is no loneliness, no hurt because that special person didn't call, no boss stressing you out. There is just you and the food.  Not to say that the consequences do not come later. But for the moment, you are in the zone and nothing else is important except stuffing your face as fast as you can, to feel.....................nothing.  I call this the food numbing sensation. You go back to the couch or the bed and you just lay there content, still lost in the wonderful sensations. (some of you may not understand this, a lot of you know exactly what I am talking about). Then you "wake" up and reality sets in....................the consequences of that behavior hits you like a baseball bat. The self loathing, the that negative voice in your head starts telling you, you are worthless, you are fat, you are ugly, you don't deserve love, you are lazy and lack any kind of control over yourself. The list goes on and on folks.  This voice, in your own head, confirms the very reasons you binged out in the first place. So guess what, it becomes a never ending cycle.  You don't need any outside forces kicking you and believe me there are plenty, you are very capable of taking care of this yourself. ( I told you this could be ugly) Any of this sound familiar?  I am no therapist, although I think I missed my calling and should of been. So I recommend if food is a real issue with you, read the book or seek professional help. You are not alone!